I’m really a shit person.
Oh my god. I just watched a video about manipulative personalities, and holy fuck… I’ve just had the biggest realization of my entire life.
I manipulate people…
I noticed that this happens more so with emotionally wounded individuals. I slither my way into their lives, I get them to trust me, to confide in me, to tell me things they probably wouldn’t tell their closest friends, to express things they’ve bottled up for years! And after a while, when their sadness is gone and they feel better about themselves/their situation, I drop out of their lives. When I help people, I do it for selfish reasons. I do this to feel better about myself. I do not do well when people do not like me. I need people to like me… No, not just want, but need. So, I constructed this whole technique of getting into people’s lives so they can like me… So I can like me.
I’ll tweak my personality accordingly to the person I’m meeting, in order to achieve my goal of being liked. Sometimes I’m more reserved, whereas other times I’m very outgoing and forward. Sometimes I’ll give them that excessive amount of attention they seek, or be extremely sensitive if that’s what they like. I go through this entire mental process of assessing someone’s current situation, and how they liked to be interacted with. Are they sad? Mad? Do they prefer a more humorous approach over a compassionate one? Is it okay to touch? Or should I keep it strictly verbal? etc.. And once I figure everything out, I go in for the kill. I find the right words to say and from there on, it just rolls off the tongue… And I have no problem with this, meaning, it comes to me naturally. I have this talent of ripping open seams you never knew existed. You realize how much you’ve fallen apart, and BAM! look who’s around to pick up the pieces and put you back together… me.
I’ll find you, I’ll use my cunning words to fix you, and then it’ll be like I was never there in the first place, and I can feel better about myself… And then the cycle repeats.
And although it isn’t the best quality of a person, this is how I am. And I understand it a bit better now.